I don't know.

I've come to realize that life is not consistent. Nice to me today but hate me tomorrow. I hate it. I'm so aggravated, confused, thankful, happy, awkward, irritated, and sad right now. How is that possible? IDK! But I am.

First, the one person that I talk to when I get into car to vent and talk about things that I can't really talk about naturally to other people isn't here. I miss my dad so much that it hurts every time I think about it. Yeah, it's 4 months but still. It sucks.

Second, I just can't stand it anymore. I don't get you. Actually, I think what scares me is that because I'm starting to really get to know you more and more it sucks. How can one handle? I'm trying so hard but it's just difficult keeping up. Too much, I hate the depressed, melancholy vibe that exists in you sometimes and I get so aggravated cause It's hard to figure you out. We have fun most of the times and I'm very proud of you and I wish that you could see how talented and amazing you really are. I wish that the positive out look that I have on life could be given to you. I try really hard to show and be a positive influence on you but if it's being ignored or just forgotten, forget it. I'm not gonna waste my energy anymore. Let me know when you start to realize how much you should be proud of yourself then I'll continue confiding in you but other than that...I just really don't know what to do anymore. It hurts, it really does. But it's ok, I'll be here for you whenever you need me but if you don't believe in yourself as much as I do, fine.

Bleh, sorry. Blogs=Venting.

Niki